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When a parent is suffering from a crippling addiction to drugs or alcohol it can take its toll on a family. It doesn’t just affect the addict themselves. Kids are often the most at risk to retain long lasting negative effects of a parent dealing with drug and alcohol addiction. So as the spouse of a person with a drug addiction, talking to kids about the condition of the other parent is not an easy or enviable task but if you are careful but direct you can help make the process of dealing with a parent who is addicted go a lot easier.
The first and most important thing to tell the kids is that their mommy or daddy loves them. Kids easily confuse the distant behavior of a parent with not being loved. It is important that this point is hammered home for the children. They need to know that addiction is more about a person not loving themselves than it is about them not loving someone else.
Make sure the children are aware that the problems or the behavior they are seeing is not a reflection on them at all. Sometimes kids think a parent behaves a certain way because they acted out. This is never the case. Explain that they are important and special and the behavior is a separate issue.
If your spouse is about to or is currently receiving treatment for their addiction let the children know that the behavior of their parent will continue to change and may in fact go a little back and forth. Let them know that the parent is trying to get better not just for themselves but for their children.
Make sure you ask the kids if they have any questions. They may not feel comfortable telling you how they feel. But they may have all kinds of questions. It’s hard to prepare for what they might ask but know that you just need to be delicate in it all and reiterate that mom and dad love them no matter what their behavior otherwise suggests.
